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(Note: Another person didn't have the muffin or the corn on the cob which came with his dinner)

"The muffin's good!"

"Oh yeah?"

"The corn too!"

"I guess I should've had them!"

"Both!"

"Two great tastes that taste great together?"

"See, sometimes you've got to combine."

"Yeah?"

"Sometimes it doesn't work out well, though."

"Like what?"

"I have had tuna fish and peanut butter."

"Tuna fish and peanut butter?"

(Howard raises his eyebrows and makes a pleased face)

"I like tuna fish!"

"And peanut butter?"

"And I like peanut butter!"

(Howard makes a displeased face)

"But tuna fish and peanut butter...."

"Didn't work out?"

"I will not try it again."

(Howard makes a pleased face)

"But I tried it!"

(While having pasta fagioli)

"I didn't know pasta fagioli was spelled like that."

"Fa-gee-oh-lee?"

(Howard nods, raises his spoon towards his mouth, and raises his eyebrows)

"But this is good, though."

"Regardless of how it's spelled?"

(Howard takes a bite and nods approvingly)

"This is good, though."

(Howard asks a question)

"How's the chicken parm?"

"Excellent! As always!"

(Howard responds with mild disappointment)

"Yeah. I'm missing the chicken parm."

"Why, how's your etouffee?"

(Howard shrugs)

"Fine."

"But it's no chicken parm?"

"It's no chicken parm."

"How's the berry tort, Howie?"

(Howard shrugs)

"It's got berries in it."

(Unprompted)

"I am OK with my meal so far."

"What is your meal?"

"Ribs and ribs?"

"So far, I think, he's had corn."

"And firecracker!"

(Referring to the firecracker green beans)

(The Outback staff starts singing "Happy Birthday" at another table; Howard begins bopping to the music)

"How's the Queensland Salad?"

(Howard's mouth is full)

(Howard continues bopping while chewing)

(Howard shrugs while bopping and chewing)

(Howard swallows, continuing to bop)

"Fine."

(Howard continues bopping)

(See also Howard's review from May 3, 2001)

"What is that, Howard?"

"Crab."

"Crap?"

"Crab."

"Crap?"

"Crab."

"Crap?"

"Yes."

(Note: The Meyersville Inn is once again under new management, with a new chef and a new menu; we suspected that it might be the same as its older incarnation, and were trying to figure out whether it was or not (and it turns out that it is))

(Three appetizers were ordered for the table: Cajun popcorn crawfish, calamari, and hummus)

"So far, I'm OK with all of the appetizers."

(Howard does not like hummus)

"Except the hummus?"

"Well, I didn't have any of it. So I'm OK with it."

(Howard had previously mentioned that he was going to combine the sausage appetizer with the mozzarella and peppers appetizer)

"Well, Howie, how is it?"

"How is what?"

"Combining them."

"I always combine!"

"I didn't ask if you always combine. I asked how it was."

"Fine."

(The questioner makes an exasperated noise)

(A question is directed to the original questioner)

"What did you expect?"

(Howard interjects)

"Why would you not combine?"

(Howard takes a bite of his Cajun ribs, and makes an urgent face)

"NNNNNNNNNNNFFFF!"

"What's wrong?"

"Hot!"

"Heat hot, or spicy hot?"

"Heat hot!"

(Later, unprompted)

"These ribs have a lot of sauce. There's more sauce on these than the others, and not as much meat."

(Howard inspects a rib)

"Look at this - sauce. It's hard to find meat."

(Howard picks up a large rib, and perks up)

"Ooooooh, a big bone!"

(Later, the waitress asks Howard about his meal)

"How are those ribs?"

"Hot."

"Hot? Are they good?"

(Howard shrugs)

"They're good."

"Good."

(The waitress leaves)

"Hot."

(Regarding the appetizer sampler platter)

"The quesadillas are good."

(A moment later)

"That other thing's good, too."

"Which other thing?"

(Howard gestures towards the nachos)

"Nachos thing."

(Unprompted, regarding the whipped cream that came with dessert)

"I do not like whipped cream."

"I don't believe that."

"I do not like whipped cream."

"You don't believe that Howard doesn't like whipped cream?"

"That's correct."

"I do not like whipped cream."

"Here's some whipped cream right here, Howard; try it."

(Howard grimaces and shakes his head)

"I do not like whipped cream."

"But you've got to either refute or confirm Coletti's claim!"

"I have had whipped cream."

"I believe that you've had whipped cream. I don't believe that you dislike whipped cream."

"I dislike whipped cream."

"He's going to start saying 'Well, it's OK, it's not bad, it's fine...'"

"OK, maybe 'dislike' is too strong a word."

"See what I'm talking about?"

(Howard laughs)

(Howard wanted to try something different, and wound up ordering a cup of the new Portugeuse style stew instead of his regular cup of gumbo)

"So Howard, how's your experiment?"

(Howard, while chewing, makes no sound)

"What was that, did you make some sort of facial gesture? I didn't see it. I need a verbal response."

(Howard, still chewing, laughs)

"This? I think I prefer the gumbo."

(Howard pauses a moment)

"Yes, I definitely prefer the gumbo. The gumbo's better."

"Is it spicier than the gumbo?"

"Not really. The gumbo's better. This reminds me of Indian food."

"I like Indian food."

"I do not."

(Regarding tiramisu)

"I don't really like soggy."

"What about bread pudding?"

"Bread pudding is not soggy."

"Bread pudding can be soggy."

"No, Jamaican bread pudding is not soggy. And the bread pudding that we got at the shell thing place..."

"The Meyersville Inn?"

"Yes, the Meyersville Inn, their bread pudding is solid."

"What about the bread pudding at that ribs place?"

"Famous Daves? It is solid."

(Later, regarding his dessert, which was a cannoli with some chocolate sauce drizzled on it)

"Cannoli's good. Would have been better without the chocolate stuff."

"You don't like chocolate?"

"I'll have chocolate."

"He likes chocolate; he doesn't like chocolate flavored things."

(Howard nods)

"At this point, you have to put it completely out of your mind that chocolate is a chocolate flavored thing."

(Howard laughs)

"So a candy bar..."

"It depends. I don't like candy bars with stuff in them."

"So you'll have a Hershey's - just plain Hershey's bar..."

"I'll have a Hershey's."

"But not a Three Musketeers, or a Snickers, or anything like that."

"No."

"But isn't that sauce on your cannoli chocolate?"

(Howard looks down at the sauce and grimaces slightly)

"The chocolate sauce is chocolate, but it makes the cannoli a chocolate flavored thing."

(Howard laughs)

"I mean, look at that stuff, who would eat that?"

"I would eat that."

"By itself?"

"Sure."

"I would not eat that."

(Howard drinks some of his lemonade)

"AUGGGGH!"

(Howard hangs his head and holds it in his hands)

"What's wrong, Howie?"

(Howard neither replies nor moves)

"Howard, are you OK?"

"Brain freeze!"

"From lemonade?"

"Brain freeze!"

"You got a brain freeze from lemonade?"

"It's icy! There is a lot of ice in it!"

(Howard picks up his glass and shows that there is a lot of ice in it)

"See? It is very icy!"

"I can't believe you got a brain freeze from lemonade."

"It is very cold!"

(Howard drinks some more of his lemonade)

(Unprompted)

"I like reading my own reviews!"

(Later, regarding his drink, known as a "Jamaican Shake")

"Mine is strong! Woah!"

"Howie, how do you make a Jamaican Shake?"

(Howard smiles and shakes)

(Later, regarding that same drink)

"It was a little alcoholy."

"A little alcoholy, or a little too alcoholy?"

"And chocolatey. It was chocolatey. It wasn't too different from your chocolate shake."

"But what in it would be chocolatey?"

(Howard shrugs)

"Kahlua?"

"But Kahlua's not chocolatey."

"I know."

(Referring to a dipping sauce that came with the appetizer sampler platter)

"What kind of sauce is that? Is it tartar sauce?"

(Howard shrugs)

"I had it."

(Unprompted, while eating ribs)

"I am enjoying myself!"

(Referring to the hummus appetizer, as it was being passed to him)

"That sucks."

"You've had it before, Howard?"

"I had a little bit tonight. That sucks."

(Later)

"How was the hummus?"

(Howard makes a displeased face)

"Tasted like hummus."

(Note: Howard had previously made a point of making sure that it was known that the hot wings ordered as appetizers should not be boneless)

"How are your bones and ribs?"

(Howard smiles)

"There are bones in there!"

(Note: Earlier in the evening, Howard was trying to explain what taste the word "stainy" describes)

"How's your malt?"

"I haven't had a malt in twenty years."

"Is it stainy?"

(Howard laughs)

"No, it's not stainy."

"How is it?"

"This? It's fine."

(Unprompted, regarding the chocolate lava cake)

"I think I'm going to try some of the lava thing."

"But it's chocolatey, Howie!"

"I think I'm going to try it."

"You're going to risk it?"

"Yes."

(Howard takes a bite)

(Howard makes an urgently displeased face)

"HOT!"

(Howard makes a displeased face)

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"What part didn't you like about it?"

"Most of it."

(Howard points at a basket of complimentary appetizers)

"Wasn't there something in here that I liked last time?"

"Yeah, I think there was."

"What was it?"

"I don't know. There are french fries, and onion straws, and cheese bread, and bananas, and..."

"Cheese bread sounds right. Maybe it was cheese bread."

(Howard picks something out of the basket)

"This?"

"Yeah, that's cheese bread."

(Howard pops it in his mouth)

(Howard makes a displeased face)

"I am not impressed."

(Note: Howard generally dislikes beer, but ordered a Blue Moon beer)

"Howard got a beer! Walked right up to the bar and said "Blue Moon"!"

"How is it, Howard?"

(Howard responds in a positive tone of voice)

"This is the third time I've had it!"

"So... how is it, Howard?"

(Howard laughs)

(Later)

"How's the beer, Howard?"

"Did you ask, "How's the beer, Buoy"?"

"No, "Howard". How's the beer, Howard?"

(Howard shrugs)

"Fine."

(The Meyersville Inn is under new management, with a new menu)

(Howard tastes the ribs)

(Howard makes a displeased face and shakes his head)

"No?"

"No."

(Howard shakes his head again)

"I am disappointed. I had high hopes."

"Disappointed relative to those high hopes, or disappointed regardless of those high hopes?"

"Regardless."

(Later, unprompted)

"The potatoes have too much vinegar."

(Later, regarding the bread pudding; note that Howard had always had high praises for the previous Meyersville Inn's bread pudding, and disliked that of Famous Dave's)

"It's not quite as bad as Famous Dave's."

"Not quite?"

"Not quite as bad. It's not bad. It's good, it's good."

(Later, more enthusiastically)

"It's definitely not as bad as Famous Dave's!"

(Regarding the combination chicken parmigiana and pasta with vodka sauce)

"Have you had that before, Howie?"

"Yes. It's good. Better than the other things. I like the other things, but this is good. It's better than them."

(Referring to Coletti's chocolate-based dessert)

"I was not impressed by that."

"Well, you don't like chocolate, right?"

(Howard nods approvingly)

"Well, I should say, you don't like chocolate-flavored things, right?"

(Howard nods approvingly)

(Howard directs a question at Coletti)

"What was that, Coletti? Chocolate Mud Loaf?"

(Coletti shakes his head.)

"Chocolate Lava Cake?"

(Coletti shakes his head again, and answers)

"Chocolate Sensation. It's a sensation!"

"I disagree."

(Unprompted, regarding the firecracker green beans, which are green beans with bits of bacon)

"I've had better firecracker."

"Not explosive enough?"

(Howard takes another bite)

"Oooh, they're getting better!"

(Howard takes another bite)

"Oooh, and they're still getting better!"

(A moment later)

"The cornbread is good."

"But you haven't had any yet!"

"It's good from the last time. It's good from every time!"

"Not like the firecracker green beans, which got better?"

"Maybe I hit a chunk of bacon."

(Unprompted)

"It's a new..."

"A new what?"

"What's the word, a new..."

"Paradigm?"

"Style... not style..."

"Trend?"

"Trend!"

"What's a new trend?"

"Knish and ketchup."

(Howard pours ketchup on his knish)

"You're a trendsetter."

(Howard tastes his knish with ketchup)

"So how is your new trend, Howard?"

"What, potato and ketchup? They were born together."

"Not much of a trendsetter, then."

"But this is a knish."

(Referring to the fact that one of the dishes was messy)

"You know what I say: Messy is good."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes. Hot roast beef and cheese, the gravy coming out, messy."

"You going to Vito's after this, Howard?"

(Howard laughs)

(Later, unprompted, regarding a spinach-like vegetable served with a scallop dish)

"The green stuff is good."

(Unprompted, gesturing to a bottle of tabasco sauce)

"I do not like that."

"What, tabasco? Too spicy?"

"It's not that it's too spicy. I don't like the taste."

(Howard puts tabasco sauce in his soup)

(Howard tastes his soup)

"This is good!"

"You must like the taste of tabasco, then!"

"Whatever! This is good!"

(Later, after the meal)

"My soup was good. Especially..."

(Howard smiles and points at the bottle of tabasco sauce)

"This is like the second or third time you said you liked that!"

"I was pleasantly surprised."

"Everyone likes snacks."

"How was yours, Howie?"

"Good. It was kind of like the other thing."

"What other thing?"

"Pork. Pork shank."

"What was yours?"

"Veal. Osso whatever. Osso buco."

(Unprompted)

"That stuff is good."

"What stuff?"

"Shrimp-sausage thing."

(Unprompted)

"This is better than the one on 22!"

"The other restaurant of this same chain, on Route 22?"

"Yes! Or, at least my ribs."

(Excitedly, pointing to a sauce on the sampler tray)

"I didn't see that - what's that?"

"That's a remoulade sauce. It's for the catfish fingers."

(Howard dips a catfish finger into the sauce)

"I don't think I like catfish."

(Howard pops the catfish finger into his mouth)

(Upon being offered chicken hearts, and being told that no self-respecting Jamaican would refuse them)

"A guy where I work says that I'm not really Jamaican - I'm Jamerican."

"How's the cider, Howie?"

(Howard shrugs)

(Howard shrugs again)

(Howard shrugs again)

(Howard shrugs again)

(Howard shrugs again)

"All right."

"So, Howard, what's the official result, with regards to authenticity and such?"

"I liked it, but I don't know about authenticity."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you don't get ribs in Jamaica."

(Referring to Howard's hurricane)

"How is that?"

"This? Not fruit punchy enough."

"Not fruit punchy? Every time I've had a hurricane..."

"Enough."

"Oh, fruit punchy enough. I just heard fruit punchy."

(Howard raises his finger and eyebrows as if to make a point)

"Enough."

(Note: several different desserts were being shared by the table)

(Unprompted)

"What's in that cheesecake?"

"It's got caramel, and chocolate, and pecans...."

(Howard makes a displeased face)

"Doesn't sound good?"

(Howard shakes his head while answering)

"I heard "caramel", and "chocolate", and "pecans"."

(Howard tries a bite)

"How is it?"

(Howard makes a displeased face and shakes his head)

"Caramel."

(Later, unprompted)

"You know, I did try some of that apple thing. I do not recommend it."

"It was no good?"

"I do not recommend it."

(Later)

(Howard takes a bite of chocolate cake)

(Howard gives a surprised yelp and looks thoroughly grossed out)

"What's the matter?"

(Howard licks the spoon that he had used)

(Howard again yelps and looks grossed out)

"No good?"

(Howard shakes his head)

(Howard again licks the spoon that he had used)

(Howard gives a disapproving grunt and shakes his head)

"Why do you keep eating it?"

"It's on the spoon."

(Later, referring to that chocolate cake, with displeasure)

"You know, that reminded me of the taste of dark chocolate."

"Wasn't it dark chocolate?"

(Howard laughs)

"Probably."

(Unprompted)

"Oh, did you see, I tried sushi!"

"Oh yeah? What kind?"

(Howard mumbles and makes "I don't know" gestures)

"How was it?"

(Dismissively)

"Ehhhh... fish... fish taste... I do not like fish taste."

(Later, unprompted and upbeat)

"I like buffets!"

(Later, while eating lobster)

(Howard takes a bite and makes a displeased face)

(Howard looks at the lobster)

(Howard sniffs the lobster and immediately jerks his head away)

(Howard looks at the lobster with displeasure)

(Howard again sniffs the lobster and jerks his head away)

"This is...."

(Howard sniffs the lobster and jerks his head away)

"This smells like bleach!"

(Howard sniffs the lobster and jerks his head away)

"This smells like bleach!"

(Howard sniffs the lobster and jerks his head away)

"This smells like bleach! Does this smell like bleach?"

(Howard holds the lobster towards other people, who refuse to sniff it)

(Howard sniffs the lobster and jerks his head away)

"This smells like bleach! Smell this!"

(Howard again holds the lobster towards other people, and is again refused)

(Howard sniffs the lobster and jerks his head away)

"This smells like bleach!"

(Howard sniffs the lobster and jerks his head away)

(Howard takes a bite of the lobster)

(Everyone laughs)

"I did not say it tasted like bleach."

(Howard makes a displeased face)

"Oh, it's starting to taste like bleach, too."

(Howard sniffs the lobster and jerks his head away)

(Howard puts the lobster back on his plate and pushes it away)

(After dinner)

"So, Howie, are you getting the bread pudding?"

(Howard sighs)

"I guess...."

(Howard sighs again)

"Yeah."

(Referring to Howard's review on December 22, 2005)

"I think this is the place where Howie said he needed "bigger these things"."

"Yes. I like bigger things. Bigger is good."

(Pleasantly, regarding his Bailey's Irish Cream mousse dessert)

"It tastes like Bailey's!"

(Unprompted, deciding what to order)

"Should I be good and get a salad?"

(Howard orders a Philly cheesesteak with steak fries)

(Later, unprompted, regarding the steak fries)

"I like big fries."

(Howard takes a bite of stuffed derma)

(Howard makes a pleased grunt)

"That's very good!"

(Howard takes a second bite of stuffed derma)

(Howard makes another pleased grunt)

"That is good."

(Howard takes a third bite of stuffed derma)

(Howard makes a displeased face and a displeased grunt)

"What's wrong?"

(Howard shakes his head and makes another displeased face)

"It's...."

"It got worse?"

"Yes."

(Howard takes a fourth bite of stuffed derma)

(Howard makes another displeased face and another displeased grunt)

(Unprompted, after having eaten one or more olives)

"I definitely do not like olives."

(Unprompted)

"I recommend the brown bread."

"What kind of bread is it?"

"Brown."

(Later, unprompted, regarding the lentil and bacon soup)

"The soup's good."

"Better than the last time?"

"Yes."

(Later, while Howard is eating vanilla bean cheesecake)

"Okay, Howard, here's a question for you: It's rare that there's something that you say that you really like. Most of the time it's okay, or fine, or whatever, but vanilla bean cheesecake is something that you always say is good, and that you look forward to having, and you're always excited about. So... what do you have to say about that?"

(Howard shrugs)

"Don't want to go on record?"

"Enquiring minds would like to know."

(Unprompted, referring to his seafood corn chowder)

"Good soup."

(Later, referring to Jim's dessert)

"That blueberry stuff looks pretty good, but it usually disappoints."

(Later, Lisa refers to Howard's dessert)

"Wow, that's cinnamony!"

"That would be the ice cream."

(Unprompted)

"I need bigger..."

"Did you say you need beer?"

"No, bigger, I need bigger."

"Bigger what?"

"I need bigger these things."

(Referring to tortillas for his fajitas)

"Hey Belugee, don't you think they should give us bigger these things?"

"Much."

"See?"

"Howie, why don't you try the balsamic apple chicken salad?"

(Howard shakes his head disapprovingly)

"It's balsamic... and apples... and chicken... Oh! And walnuts! I don't like nuts in my food."

"You don't like nuts?"

"I like plain nuts, just not when the nuts are in my food."

"What about Rocky Mountain oysters?"

"That's just plain nuts, so that's OK."

(Later)

"Howie, how's your salad?"

"It tastes like salad."

"What's a Napolean?"

(Howard points at his Napolean)

"That."

(Howard pauses, then resumes)

"It's got papery stuff, and it's got some filling inside it, and the filling is - what's this stuff called?"

(Howard points at whipped cream)

"Whipped cream?"

"Yeah. It's got papery stuff, and filling inside it, and the filling is not very sweet. It's not as sweet as the whipped cream."

(Unprompted)

"I like sour cream."

(Unprompted)

"I finished the cheesecake."

"How was it?"

(Howard shrugs)

"Cheesecake."

(Unprompted)

"That's good."

"What is it?"

"Firecrackers!"

(Referring to the Firecracker Chicken Wraps)

"I like it."

(Points to his chocolate dessert)

"I would say that was good."

(Referring to the flakes of vegetable matter on top of his rigatoni)

"I'm not a fan of this green stuff."

"Vegetables?"

"Yeah."

"It's wafer thin; it's barely noticable."

"It alters the taste."

(Howard asks:)

"What's polenta?"

"It's a dish made of corn meal."

"That's crap."

"No, it's actually really good."

(Howard shakes his head disapprovingly)

"It's cornmeal."

"I recommend the peach lemonade."

"Howard recommends the peach lemonade! It's good?"

"It's okay."

(Unprompted, regarding his fettucine alfredo)

"Hot."

(Later, unprompted)

"Too hot."

"What is a Thai lettuce wrap?"

"It's crap."

(Regarding the Caramel Chocolate Canyon)

"So what do you think, Howie?"

(Howie makes various "thinking" faces while chewing)

"That's nice."

(Later, in clarification)

"I said it was nice because I did not think it would be good."

(Unprompted)

"Hey Iggy, what should I get?"

"How about pork chops?"

"I do not like pork chops."

"You're always saying things you don't like. Well what do you like?"

"I like pork."

(Unprompted)

"The bruschetta here is better than other places, because the bread is softer."

"Not as crunchy."

"Right."

"And you're not a crunchy kind of guy."

(Gives an approving nod)

(Later, regarding Vander Heyden Vineyards' 1997 Amador Country Late Harvest Zinfandel)

"The wine is not bad for a wine. But it is still a wine."

(Regarding his drink)

"I think I'm beginning to feel the effects of whatever this is."

(Unprompted, referring to his review from June 21, 2001, and to his clam chowder)

"I hope the clam chowder I had for my review was better than this."

(Note: The Tour of Italy is a sampler of lasagna, chicken parmigiana, and fettucine alfredo.)

"I'm thinking about the Tour of Italy."

"Not me."

"Why not?"

(Howard shrugs)

"Not a Tour of Italy kind of guy?"

(Shakes his head no)

"Not a lasagna kind of guy?"

(Shakes his head no)

"Not a chicken parm kind of guy?"

(Shakes his head no)

"Not a fettucine alfredo kind of guy?"

(Shakes his head no)

"Then you're not a Tour of Italy kind of guy."

(Laughs)

(Later, unprompted)

"I'm going to get another lemonade."

"Yeah, this lemonade's really good, isn't it?"

(Shrugs)

"Kind of weak."

(Later, unprompted, regarding the after dinner mints that came with the check)

"No chocolate for me."

"No chocolate for you?"

(Makes a 'gross' face)

"Mint."

"No mint for you?"

(Shakes his head no, and makes another 'gross' face)

"Mint."

"What do you think of the soup, Howie?"

"Good."

"Good? Wow, that's...."

"All right."

""Aieeee?""

""All right.""

"I thought you said "aieeee". That's a new one."

""All right.""

(The waiter, picking up dishes, asks Howard about his peanut butter pie)

"You liked that?"

"Uhhhhh...."

"I like that one."

"Yeah, you like that?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

(Howard initiates the questioning)

"How was yours, Coletti?"

"Good. How about yours?"

"I am done."

"You didn't eat your shellfish."

"I am done. Do you want it?"

"No thanks."

"I am done."

(Referring to carrot cake)

"How was it, Howard?"

"That's the way I like my carrot: carrot cake."

"How do the ribs compare to Tiffany's, Howard?"

"Not the same, but good."

(Later, Howard turns the questioning on Lisa)

"How did you like it, Lisa?"

"Good!"

"You're happy?"

"I'm happy!"

"Good, because when you're happy, I'm happy."

"Thanks, Howie!"

"And even when you're not happy, I'm happy."

(Unprompted)

"The slaw is not as bad as it used to be. It's not that bad. Did I say this the last time we were here?"

"How's the gumbo?"

"Fine. Hot, though."

"Spicy hot or heat hot?"

"Heat hot."

"Heat hot?"

"I can't handle the heat."

(Unprompted)

"These are the best ribs I've ever had here!"

(Later, unprompted, referring to cole slaw)

"This stuff isn't as bad as it used to be."

(Unprompted, referring to calamari)

"I am not a fan of this."

(Takes some calamari and eats it)

"How's the Chocolate Chocolate Tower, Howie?"

"Chocolatey."

(Unprompted)

"I recommend that thing, Coletti. It's very good."

"What is it?"

"I don't know, I just recommend it. And eat it."

(Unprompted)

"The soup is good. The cheese looks a little thin."

"How's that chicken?"

"Good."

"Good? Wow! That's probably the greatest review ever!"

"It's okay."

"Don't try to take it back."

(Unprompted)

"Chinese food. I like Chinese food."

"Have you had that before, Howie?"

"I think so. I'm full."

"How was it?"

(Howard shrugs.)

"Acceptable?"

(Howard shrugs.)

"Good enough to get full off of?"

"I think I am over-full."

"How was your salad, Howie?"

(Howard nods)

"Approving nod."

(Howard continues nodding)

"Another!"

(Continues nodding)

"Another approving nod!"

(Continues nodding)

"Approving the approval!"

(Continues nodding)

"Recursive approval!"

(Howard laughs)

"What do you think of this place?"

"I am enjoying the appetizers."

"How's your bread pudding? Besides done?"

"It's done."

(Later, while Howard was telling a story (not technically a review, but it had to be recorded for posterity))

"What they do is they make your father's first name be your last name. So Ig, if you had a kid, he would be Something Ig."

"How's your salad, Howie?"

"Fine."

"How is that Mardi Gras Burger?"

"It's not great, it's just got some extra stuff on it - ooh, here's some extra stuff now!"

(Howard pops some extra stuff into his mouth)

(Unprompted)

"That hush puppie was better than I remember the last one I had being."

"That's probably the highest compliment you've ever paid any food."

"How's the chicken?"

(Howard shrugs)

"Chicken."

"How's the ice cream?"

(Howard looks up and smiles)

"Fine."

"What kind of sauce is that, Howie?"

(Howard shakes his head and makes a displeased face)

"Cajun."

"No good?"

"I forgot I don't like Cajun."

"What's your take on the alligator sausage?"

(Howard shakes his head noncommittally)

"Fine."

(Later)

"What's the difference between your "OK" and "fine"?"

""Allright" is better than "fine"."

"But what about "OK"?"

""OK" is allright."

"How's the soup, Howie?"

"It's okay."

(Howard takes another spoonful)

"It's done."

(Howard pushes away the bowl)

"How's the quesadilla?"

"Full."

"That's not what I asked."

(Howard shrugs)

"How's the turkey noodle soup, Howie?"

"Good."

(A moment later)

"Very Good."

"Good very good?"

"Yes."

(Later, unprompted)

"Turkey's good."

"Turkey noodle soup, or turkey in general?"

"Turkey in general."

(Unprompted, while breaking apart a crab)

"I am enjoying myself!"

(Later, unprompted, while breaking apart a crab)

"What's this? Is this edible?"

(Pops an unidentified piece of crab in his mouth)

(Grimaces, shakes his head "no")

"How's the burger, Howie?"

"I'm full."

"That's not what I asked you."

"Burger's fine."

"I'm thinking about the pad Thai noodles."

"I don't recommend that."

"What's wrong with it?"

"I don't recommend it."

"What've you got there, Howie, the gumbo?"

"Yes."

(Howard takes a mouthful)

"How is it?"

(Howard shrugs while chewing)

(Howard takes another mouthful)

(Howard again shrugs while chewing)

(Howard takes another mouthful)

(Howard again shrugs while chewing)

(Unprompted)

"The onion soup was sub-par."

"Howie, what's wrong with the potato?"

(Howard waves his hand)

"Full, and aaaiiieeeeeyyaaahhhhh...."

(Howard takes a bite of garlic bread)

"Crunchy."

(Howard takes another bite of garlic bread)

"I do not like crunchy."

(Howard takes another bite of garlic bread)

"Howie, I assume the onion soup isn't that great, since it has no cheese?"

"Even without the cheese, it's very good."

(Later)

"How are the wings, Howie?"

"They're good. That's how I like them."

(Unprompted)

"Good. Very good."

(Later, unprompted)

(Howard shakes his head)

"Full."

(Howard continues eating)

"How's the soup, Howard?"

(Unintelligible response)

"Did you say "it's fair?""

"No, I said "Uhhhhhhh"."

"That's not too crunchy, is it Howie?"

(Howard shakes his head)

(Later, unprompted:)

"I'm not a crunchy kind of person."

(Later, unprompted:)

"I'm more a chewy person than a crunchy person."

"How was the..."

"Shell thing? Good."

"No, that other thing."

(Referring to shrimp)

"Oh. Good."

(Later, unprompted, to the tune of "Wild Thing")

"Shell thing... you make my heart sing... shell thing, I think I love you."

(Unprompted, regarding the lentil and bacon soup)

"This is not as good as I imagined."

"Not enough bacon per soup?"

"Not enough bacon."

(The waitress had talked Howard into changing his dessert order from lemon sorbet to lemon loaf)

"So was the lemon loaf -"

"Good."

"Worth changing from the lemon sorbet?"

"I don't know, I didn't have the lemon sorbet."

(Seemingly unprompted)

"That was good!"

"What was good, Howie, the buffalo wings?"

"The wings are good, too."

"What were you originally referring to?"

(Unintelligible response)

"What?"

(Unintelligible response)

"What?"

(Unintelligible response)